I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
