We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
