We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
