True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dicks are not precious.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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