just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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