I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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