god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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