textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
