am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
