You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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