I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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