then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
