i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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