im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
