I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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