I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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