I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
