I think im going to throw up on grandma
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
