too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
