I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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