You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come see our sink grown plant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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