i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
