Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
