Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
