What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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