dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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