ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
