I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
