What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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