I will die if light touches me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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