Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
