Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
