im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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