One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
fuck your aforementioned shoe
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
