I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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