it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
