i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
