Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize