He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
God, I missed his penis.
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