No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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