where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
