when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
