Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
