After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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