u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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