just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
