I looked at my own cervix.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
