MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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