seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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