suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
