I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
