I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
