I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
