I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize