"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
