Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
