If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
