if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
