If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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