I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
