Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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