i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
