he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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