I wish life had little blips of pornography
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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