she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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