I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
