I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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