he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
