there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
