peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
