the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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