Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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