about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
