apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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