So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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