Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
