So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize