Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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