I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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