Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
