My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
