Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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