Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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