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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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