this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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