3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
