It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
