I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
